For the Greeks, exile was believed to be worse than death. The word "ostracize" comes from the Greek word ostrakizein or the noun form-ostrakon which meant a shell or potsherd (pottery fragment). In early times, names would be written on these shells to use as a vote to banish from a city an unpopular or too powerful of a citizen. In Oedipus' case he was granted his own banishment from Thebes, "Out of this country cast me with all speed, where I may pass without accost of men." Why was it considered the worst of punishments? Because the immense suffering would tear at a person's heart and soul brought to bare by the all encompassing isolation, ridicule, shame, and rejection that would be heaped upon the withering spirit of a person for a long, long, time.
Today, unfortunately, I've witnessed individuals go through immense pain and even suffering because of others actively excluding them; a sort of banishment from human connection which can lead to strong emotional reactions and even become a detriment to their learning experience.
According to Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of human needs, after physical needs are met, we need to feel like we belong. To ostracize is the antithesis of feeling the sense of belonging yet we exclude certain people or groups of people from our lives based on rash judgments or the lack of compassion and understanding. This overt shunning can be painful and the resulting isolation or silence from those we care about can create a field of endless doubt and shattered self-esteem.
I find the harsh reality of this act of exclusion going on every day to some degree in a school setting. But I also know of kids who have been outcast even from their families. We all want to 'fit in' -to be included, to not feel cast off or banned from connections or even conversations. It's a vital part in being human.
There are definite emotional ramifications to those who feel shunned or ostracized. We might even feel slighted if strangers do the ridiculing. However, when loved ones exclude us from a circle of true belonging and sense of well-being, the rejection makes us wallow in not understanding our worth to the rest of the world.
In Kipling D. Williams book, The Pain of Exclusion, writes: "Ostracism (rejection, silence, exclusion) is one of the most powerful punishments that a person can inflict on another. Brain scans have shown that this rejection is actually experienced as physical pain" (30-31). He goes on to scientifically examine how a "sense of control over your life and a belief that existence is meaningful constitute fundamental psychological needs that we must meet to function as social (and successful) individuals."
This is the power of exclusion and its effects, not just on how we feel about ourselves but on how it makes the 'shunned' one then have to search for something to soothe the pain inside. Connections must be made - a hand that reaches out to the lonely, the forgotten, and even to those who we've placed and labeled in bell jars. As the Dalai Lama said "Be kind whenever possible...it is always possible." So...
Include others you might not think to include. Connect and bring into the conversation those you think can't or won't contribute. Welcome the outsider or outcast. Do your part to befriend and accept those who don't deserve to feel the emotional wrath of rejection or what could be emotional exile. Simply, don't look the other way...a person could be counting on you, and only you, to bring them in from the cold.